During Alya’s 9 months-check up, I asked her pediatrician if it was possible for baby blues to come this late. I look okay, don’t I? But apparently I am not. I took a simple test and I was diagnosed being depressed, a little high.
Yeah, I guess so. I feel anxious most of the time, I doubt myself, I can be suddenly sad, I have insomnia and I explode once or twice in a month. I was told to seek out help cause it could be dangerous (here in US, it is considered very reasonable and handled very seriously). But I was a little bit hesitant.
I think no one can really help me but myself. I need to make peace with myself, I need to forgive, I need to learn to let things go, I need to meet more people, I need to build my support system and most importantly, I need to find my own happiness.
After the visit, I decided to go to the library to join baby storytelling session. I met a lot of moms there, having a chat and I felt slightly better. I went home and listened to some music and I felt happier. I talked to my husband, being brutally honest and I felt lighter. I write this post for my blog and I am relieved.
I just need a break.
Being a woman, a wife and a mom at the same time, moreover abroad, is not an easy thing to do. And I just need time to do my own thing, as a motivation to keep on going.
My home is a wreck, but I don’t care as long as I’m not a wreck. It’s okay not to be perfect.
For moms currently experiencing this, please be strong. Seek help through closest family, doctors, or from yourself first.
Featured image from https://tinybuddha.com/blog/we-are-not-our-feelings-and-other-lessons-on-facing-anxiety-and-depression/